Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Creativity at it's Finest...

I'm not well traveled. I've been around the United States and I've been to Mexico and that about sums up my jet-setting. Honestly, I feel privileged just to have been the places I've been. Sure, I have lofty aspirations of travels abroad. I've pinned my fair share of photos from Greece, Australia, Italy, Norway, Vail...it's fun to dream. The common theme among my travels is not only stunning beauty but also the vast differences of our world.

Mountains, rain forests, oceans, deserts, volcanoes, lakes, canyons...can you imagine the creativity of our maker?

Last year, Dave and I went to Lake Tahoe for his big 3-0. I had done my google searches and had seen a few photos of the lake but nothing prepared me for the actual beauty I took in. We drove up one side of the mountain from Reno and as we came down, around the mountain, into Tahoe this was our first glimpse of the Lake...

Blue skies, gorgeous towering pine trees, and the lake that's a color of blue you can't even imagine.

We spent the next few days exploring. We went hiking, Dave played golf, we took in the snow capped mountains and walked along the sandy shore of the lake.

At one point, I asked Dave, "Can you even fathom how beautiful Heaven will be? I look around and see the beauty of this earth and it makes me realize I can't even come close to understanding the beauty and the glory of it. If He gives us this beauty here, but tells us we can't comprehend the majesty of Heaven, what must it be like?"

It blows my mind. How can my God be so creative? Forming snow capped mountains with the same hands that He rolled out the beaches of Turks and Caicos.

I've been thinking about all of this lately as I find peace in our infertility battle. I've always wanted to be a mom. And not just wanted to be a mom, but have truly felt like that's what I've been called to do. I've thought about my life with 3 boys, I've thought about my life with 3 girls, and I've thought about the joy of a mixed family. I've thought about adoption, I've thought about 2 kids...3 kids...4 kids...I've never once thought about zero kids. I never thought the couple struggling to have children would be us.

In the beginning (when we first found out we had a problem) it went from zero to 60. We began to realize that our story was going to be different. I wasn't going to get pregnant, get to surprise my husband with the news, get to surprise my family with the news, etc. For a year and a half I had been waiting month after month...hoping...and dreaming. "Ok, if I get pregnant this month I'll tell David this way, we'll tell our parents around this time in this way...." I did that with Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, my mom's birthday, Dave's birthday, Father's day....Y'all probably think I'm crazy, but I was willing it to happen. It never did.

At first I kind of went through a mourning period. I struggled with the fact that I might not be able to have children with my husband, and then I went through struggles of the "how". How do I feel about the few treatment options available to us? Where do we go from here? How is God going to build our family? IS God going to build our family?

I still don't know all of the answers to all of these questions. But what I've been enjoying lately is the dream of it all. God knows the desires of my heart. He knows my desire to be a mom. My desire to see Dave as the wonderful father I know he'll be. My desire to go to soccer, and ballet, and teach little hands how to fold in prayer and little voices to sing Jesus Loves Me. And the good news is....He's able.

If He created beautiful sunsets to hold different shades and shapes every single day and if He created gorgeous snow capped mountains to tower over an azure blue lake, I am so very excited to see how He chooses to create our family. And one thing that I'm most excited about is that I won't miss it. I'm so certain...beyond certain...that God is the only person who can create my family. And I'm so very grateful that if we have the privilege of adoption or if I have the joy of carrying a baby, that I'll be so grateful to the one who makes all things glorious!


"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" ~ Ephesians 3:20-21

22 comments:

Lauren said...

this is a beautiful post Tiffany...there are so many days when I have to remind myself that God can do more than we can even IMAGINE! how hard it is to actually believe and follow that truth each day...

Katie said...

This is quite a post! I will pray for you and your little family. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I hope that it all becomes clear soon! Best wishes!

xox.

Stephanie said...

Awww....thinking of you guys and saying prayers!

Lisa Marie said...

This post brought tears to my eyes! What a wonderful, beautiful way to trust the Lord! I will be praying for you and Dave!

Susannah said...

Oh Tiffany,
I'm thinking of you. I know what you are going through and pray that you get some answered prayers soon!

All Things Yummy said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your faith and hope in the future God has planned for you is wonderful.

Elicia said...

I am always thinking about you sweet friend! God has a plan for you. You will be an awesome mom when the day comes (and I pray it is soon.)

T.K. said...

This post was very beautifully written! You did a great job with putting everything into perspective. When the time comes you will make an amazing mother!

Mel said...

You have such strong faith. I know this is a struggle, but someday things will be as they are meant to be. Thinking of you.

Callie Nicole said...

What a beautiful post, Tiffany! It gave me chills - I love how you are looking to the Lord to build your family, and I can't wait to see how He's going to do it!

Tim and Laura said...

Wow...this is inspiring! You honesty is precious and your faith is beautiful. I know that this is an impossibly hard time for you and Dave, and I know that God will be glorified through your story. We love you friend, and we are praying for you!

Vanessa said...

I love having those moments when you look at the beautiful things and KNOW that God made them that way because He loves us. God is amazing. & everything He creates is amazing. Sending prayers and love and hugs to you. <3

Liz said...

Love this post. Love you friend!

Lenzi said...

Beautiful post. I am most definitely keeping you and your hubby in my prayers :)

Katie Norwood said...

You are right... creativity is a great way to put it! The Lord is so creative, and He will work it out in a way to bring glory to Him! He will bless your faith with rewards, wheather they are in this life or in heaven. You are bringing glory to God! You're doing a great job!

Lynsey said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!

This is a beautiful post. I will certainly be praying for you and your husband! Your faith in the Lord in inspiring.

LyndsAU said...

What a great post and what amazing faith you have!!

katie newton said...

xoxo sweet friend. God's timing is perfect... His plan is perfect...WE are just so IMperfect. Praying for patience and peace as the Lord continues to reveal Himself to you and align your hearts desires with HIS! :)

Camylla Leonardi said...

These are GORGEOUS pictures!!

New follower <3

Lots of Love,
Simplycamylla.blogspot.com

annalee said...

with tears in my eyes i write to share with you i am praying and thankful for the beautiful way you share your heart and your story.

Camila said...

Oh this post gave me goose bumps! I am so impressed by your outlook on things. I will say a special prayer for you and the family that is to be. Sending so many good thoughts your way!

Pray~and~Wait said...

I don't think you are crazy at all!!! I've been married for 2 years and we haven't been on birth control. We are still not pregnant. The first year, I did exactly what you described with dreaming about the fun ways to tell everyone. Then I just started getting so angry that every single month when the day came that I wasn't pregnant. It was the biggest let-down and just how frustrating it is when you sit there and think, "Ugh...another 28 days before I know something." So, know you aren't "crazy" for dreaming. I had to stop counting days and cycles and just let God be God. Its hard and some days its not fun, but (as you know) He is greater than us...and desires for us to trust Him! I know you know all of this. I'm so thankful we serve a BIG God! Not only does He know the desires of your heart, but HE gave them to you!!! Its not in His nature to "torture" us and play games with us. He blesses the obedient! He will give you a family!!! It just may not happen the way you always thought it would...or in the package you always expected. His ways aren't ours. He sees the big picture and I know whatever children are graced with you as a mom, they will be extremely blessed. I know I don't know you, but I do know that you have a heart for the Lord and that is enough. That alone makes me excited for your kids b/c I know they will also serve the Lord! This world needs a new generation of believers following hard after Him. I pray that you will be hopeful in the waiting...knowing that God's timing is incredibly perfect! Thankful I get to be a small part of your journey and can't wait to see how God writes the rest of this story!